Here I am, days away from the moment I was beginning to think might never come…and I’m nearly sick to my stomach with ‘what ifs’.  What if she changes her mind?  What if she doesn’t like us? What if we meet the baby but then at the 11th hour we learn she’s not coming home with us after all?

On Tuesday, we were given 48 hours to select a name.  I’ve thought about names for as long as I can remember…and suddenly I had no idea what her name would be.  But after some scrambling, we went with the name that kept bubbling to the surface, and emailed the social worker with our selection yesterday.  Today, for the first time, we started speaking her name out loud.  What if we don’t ever get to hold her and say hello by name?

Today Mr. Speedbump purchased a car seat/stroller combo.  I attempted to yesterday but couldn’t bring myself to do it.  What if we never get to use it?

I am trying to feel joy and be excited, but my head is pounding with worry. 

To anyone who has been through this…how do I manage this torture?  My body is literally aching from the stress.

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