Dear Someday Baby,

My emotions vary from day to day – some days I’m happy; other days I’m very blue.  But the pendulum usually only swings between these two extremes: happy or sad, happy or sad.

Today…I’m angry.  Angry, bitter, ugly.  I’m just fowl, with everyone and about everything.  First, I was impatient in a store line-up this evening.   Then, when I was in rush hour traffic, trying to make my way into a merge lane, I got beeped at as if I were cutting somebody off (I wasn’t, he just didn’t feel like letting me merge) and in that moment, I could have SLAMMED on the brakes, gotten out of the car and screamed something at him (not sure what, he was just an easy target).  Fortunately logic prevailed and I just shook my head, and let the incident add more fuel to my flame.  I was on my way to the gym, I figured I could peddle my rage out during spin class.  But it didn’t really help.

So this strong anger is not common for me.  I figure it’s time to explore why.  

  • One of my closest and oldest friend’s mother died Friday.  I took my friend shopping for funeral clothing on Sunday.  The funeral was Tuesday.  There is no “fun” in funeral.
  • A second of my oldest (no longer closest) friends had her baby Monday night.  And I just wish I could tell you what they named him.  I wish I could.  Suffice to say it’s a horrible name.  And my friend had to spend her whole life spelling her own name for others…you’d think she’d have the common sense to NOT do the same to her own child?
  • I have to bake something for a fundraising bake sale tomorrow. I don’t bake things…not because I don’t like to, but because Mr. Speedbump has no will power…and would eat an entire batch of cookies in one day if they were in the house.  I’m just irritated by having to bake.
  • My boss threw me under the bus in a meeting today.  And she’s supposed to have my back.

So let’s be brutally honest.  I’m sure bullet number two is what has me feeling so ticked off.  And for the first time in a long time I can honestly say I’m NOT happy for my friend…which makes me sound horrible but it’s true.  It’s because she is not one bit senstive towards others who may not have children yet.  I had to remove her status updates from my feed on Facebook because they were insanely detailed and updated 18 times a day.  She sent out a mass email telling people they’d registered at Babys R Us and included the link, whether you cared to know or not. 

I know many, many other people who are expecting or have new babies at home who don’t rub it in my face, constantly.  They are respectful on Facebook, and only talk about their children/pregnancy when asked.  That, to me, is fair.  But this person just doesn’t get it…and I certainly don’t get her.  (note: even a mutual friend, who HAS a child, emailed to say she can’t stand the updates and emails any longer…so it’s not just me!). 

I have already decided there will be zero updates on Facebook when you arrive, little baby, because you just never know who’s out there, waiting like we are now, and hurting in silence.

Love,

Me

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