Dear Someday Baby,

Summer is drawing to a close, and I’ve survived yet another season with a broken heart and empty arms.  Your arrival via IVF wasn’t to be, and so it’s more waiting and hoping, wishing and hurting.

I took some time this summer for myself and tried to focus on something I truly enjoy – photography.  I spent many days on my own, being still and waiting for a dragonfly to land nearby, or a sandpiper to wander toward my lens.

I captured some beautiful and breathtaking creatures and moments.  Some of which I actually think are quite good.  I found a great deal of comfort and peace in the process.  Photography is surprisingly therapeutic.

And amazingly, even though I spent countless hours alone, wandering the shoreline, sitting on cliffs, wading in the waves or sitting on the dock, I don’t think I cried a single tear.  

I’m normally the crying kind.  I know so much failure when it comes to treatments.  I have felt more pain than I ever dreamed possible.  And I’ve longed for you with such severity I feel brittle.  I’ve cried massive puddles and buckets and wells full of sorrow at the injustice.

But not this summer.  I felt an oddly unfamiliar sense of calm and contentment during those days on my own, outside, just being.  Perhaps I allowed myself to step away from reality for a while.  Or maybe I was reminded to be in awe of the beauty around me, and that the universe doesn’t revolve around my heart.

Whatever the reason, I took a crying vacation.  And it was a nice break, indeed.

dandy smbutterflies sm

poppy smhermit1 smseaweed smshell2 sm

Advertisements