Dear Someday Baby,

I thought about you a lot today.  I’m not sure why – maybe it’s because my birthday is getting closer and I’m reminded that I’m yet another year older and another year without you in my life. 

But rather than wallow or become sad, I did something I don’t usually allow myself to do.  While I was out doing another errand, I let myself venture into the children’s section of a local department store.

I rarely do this.  In fact the other day your Daddy and I were in a big box store and I noticed a great sale on a crib and changing table set (the style I love) and although I quietly nudged your Dad and whispered, “check out that deal”, I was mortified when he then went straitght over to the changing table and inspected the floor model.

“What are you DOING?” I called out as he walked away from me.  He came back and I said, “The store is busy, what if someone SEES us?”

I am pretty paranoid that somebody we know will see us in the big box store, or in the child’s decor area of the department store and make assumptions.  Even worse, I’m afraid of being seen as pathetic.

However today, my baby, I couldn’t walk by what I saw.   I think they were meant for you – and for me.   I brought them home to show your daddy and asked him if it was pathetic of me to make the purchase.  He said it was just a little sad, but sweet.

Sometimes my heart just needs to do these things.  I can’t explain it.  I didn’t feel sad when I did it.   In fact, it gave me hope. 

Now that I have an empty, painted room I am better able to visualize decor so I knew these would be perfect. 

Someday we will be standing in your room pointing at the animals in the pictures and saying the words…”monkey” and “giraffe”….”kite” and “balloon”.   You will point your chubby little fingers and we’ll say them all again. 

Am I being pathetic?  Maybe…but at least you’ll have a bright, friendly room to call your own when you arrive.  Maybe I’ll waste a lot of money buying stuff we will never use.  But at least I’m finding some joy in hoping you will be here soon.