Dear Someday Baby,

I have always tried to live my life the “right” way.   I played by the rules, respected my elders and did what was expected of me growing up.   I was a sensitive child with an over-compassionate heart.  I saved kittens destined for a horrible fate,  went hunting with my dad just so I could scare away the pheasants in advance.  I was a Brownie, a Girl Guide and an ‘A’ student.   I befriended the bullied kids, went the extra mile for my friends and blazed a trail for my little sister, who I (secretly) adored.

Later on, I became a journalist because I was sick and tired of injustice and pain in the world, and thought I could make a difference.  I helped a few people along the way, but in the end, it was me who needed the help.  Working in the media is a nasty business and its ugliness almost swallowed me whole, so I got out.

Fast forward to present day.  Now I work in the charitable sector, striving to enhance quality of life for incredibly sick children.  I also volunteer for a not-for-profit organization helping homeless youth raise their children.

I give to many charities, some anonymously.   I raise money to fight breast cancer.

Heck, I am even an organ donor.

I try to give as much of myself as possible to those who need it.  And I know better than anyone that true philanthropy means giving without expecting anything in return.

But I’ll be completely honest…..sometimes I find myself wondering why nobody knows how much families like us need help.  I find it ironic that there isn’t a “cause” supporting folks who just want to be parents.  There is no walk/run/bowl-a-thon or Live Aid concert for those of us who desperately want to adopt or can’t afford IVF treatments. 

That said, I believe karma exists, and to turn my back on it now would be foolish, but I just wish it would hurry up and give us some kind of break.  We need it now more than ever.

Love you Already,

Momma  

 

Dear Someday Baby,

This past weekend made me realize even Halloween is painful.  I mean, it really is all about kids…and the only kids that costumes actually look cute on are the little ones…and Facebook is alive and kicking with all the “baby’s first Halloween” photo albums.  Our neighbours brought their 18-month-old daughter over in her princess dress.  She had no idea what was going on, but her parents were beaming with pride.  Halloween is weird that way – for the first few years it really is more about the parents.

But I am fully aware of why they are beaming.  They are filled with love and pride, happy to take advantage of one of the few occasions in the year where you can dress up your child(ren) and parade them around from door to door.  I get it. I really do.

It’s just that these occasions pierce my heart.  I spend a lot of my time and energy protecting it.  It is a daily chore.  I learned long ago how important it is – the heart can only take so much. 

But I’m not giving up. I will try to keep the faith that I’ll be posting my own photo albums someday.  We’ll get there.

For now I think I’ll go eat more leftover chips.

Love you already,

Mommy

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"I long for the baby to wander hither to me
Like a wind-shadow wandering over the water,
So that she can stand on my knee
With her little bare feet in my hands,
Cool like syringa buds,
Firm and silken like pink young peony flowers."
- from A Baby Running, by D.H. Lawrence